Do Others Make Us Feel Things?

"By reasoning that is both conventional and understandably reflexive, we often attribute the source of our feelings to the events occurring around us. Or we explain them as triggered by the vagaries of our interpersonal affairs, in particular, our enlivening or discouraging comings and goings with those nearest us. We presume that what we feel has its alpha and omega in the buzzing, ever-changing whirl of people and events at play outside the borders of our skin."

"Falling in love implies a complete loss of personal control. Nevertheless, it is one of our most commonly celebrated experiences, one we welcome with eager, embracing arms despite having very little or no control over it. Instead, it's perceived as a potentially profound, life-altering experience that happens to us upon encountering the "right person." The "right person's" traits and qualities become quick kindling that can ignite red-hot passion."

Everyday idioms commonly express feelings as caused by other people and events. Individuals tend to attribute emotional states to external circumstances and interpersonal interactions. Emotions are often perceived as originating outside the self, creating a sense of limited personal control. This external attribution leads to passive, reactive patterns of feeling and behavior. Falling in love exemplifies this pattern by being experienced as an overpowering loss of control triggered by encountering the perceived "right person." Partner traits are viewed as the catalysts that ignite passion, reinforcing the belief that feelings are produced by external qualities rather than internal processes.

Read at Psychology Today