"Growing up, the first lessons I learned about popularity were difficult. I found that people were liked for being special in some superficial way, usually at least partially beyond their (or my) control. They were tall, strong, talented, pretty, or something else I have never quite been, then or since. Humor, thankfully, was partially reinforced. Unfortunately, I never found kindness to be of much value, and it was often exceeded in power by its opposite: ruthlessness and vanity were frequently socially rewarded."
"When I was about sixteen, I met a guy whom I'll call Jack. Jack was of average height, build, and intelligence. Pleasant and funny, but not exceptionally so in either case. We played basketball together on the JV team, where he occasionally managed to get into a game if it wasn't close. The lack of surface exceptionality mattered little to me, as this wasn't how I chose my friends. But shortly after becoming acquainted with Jack, I realized that literally everyone loved this guy."
The author explores characteristics of popular people based on informal observation of acquaintances, despite acknowledging limited personal popularity. The first key characteristic examined is the ability to see possibilities everywhere. The author reflects on early misconceptions about popularity, initially believing it stemmed from superficial traits like physical appearance, athleticism, or talent—factors largely beyond individual control. However, upon meeting Jack in high school, an average person in most measurable ways who was universally beloved, the author recognized that surface-level exceptionality was not the determining factor. This observation prompted deeper scholarly consideration of what actually makes people genuinely popular and well-liked by others.
Read at Psychology Today
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