Are They Narcissistic or Just Difficult?

"Clinical work distinguishes grandiose and vulnerable forms of narcissism, which share a core of entitlement and impaired empathy but differ in affect and strategy (Pincus and Lukowitsky, 2010; Miller and colleagues, 2011). Some individuals pursue admiration through openly self-enhancing tactics, while others do so by claiming pro-social virtue or moral superiority, a phenomenon called communal narcissism (Gebauer and colleagues, 2012). What looks like warmth can still function as a self-focused supply."

"Many people picture narcissism as the big, obvious performance: arrogant, domineering, allergic to criticism. That version exists, grandiose and malignant narcissism are real and easy to spot. But quieter variants do as much damage precisely because they present as reasonable or even generous. Think the intellectual or morally self-righteous type who is "always right," the "nice" or benign style that stays pleasant while never doing the heavy relational lifting, the dark empath who reads feelings to manipulate,"

Quiet forms of narcissism can appear kind or generous while functioning to secure admiration and avoid accountability. Varieties include intellectual or morally self-righteous, benign "nice" types, dark empaths, neglectful subtypes, and communal narcissists who seek public credit. Grandiose and vulnerable narcissism share entitlement and impaired empathy but differ in affect and strategy. Problematic dynamics show as empathy collapsing under scrutiny, chronic evasion of responsibility, and gradual erosion of another's confidence and clarity. Boundaries reveal responses: healthy partners adjust, narcissistic styles escalate or deflect. Practical measures include documenting events, avoiding triangulation, maintaining supports, and enforcing limits when patterns persist.

Read at Psychology Today