3 Ways to Beat the 'Peak-End Rule' in Your Relationship

"When it comes to love, this rule doesn't just distort memory; it reshapes how we evaluate our relationships. It influences the way we decide whether to stay, go, or grow. That makes it far more than a curious quirk of memory. It is, in fact, a bias with real consequences for how we choose and sustain our bonds. Understanding how the peak-end rule works can help us consciously redesign our relationships in ways that resist such distortion, allowing us to remember them more truthfully."

"The peak-end rule comes with a cognitive trap. If the "peaks" are few and far between, they end up shouldering too much of the memory burden. Research shows that it's not only intensity that imprints a memory but also frequency and variety. Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson's broaden-and-build theory argues that small, positive emotions accumulate over time to expand our mental and relational resources."

The peak-end rule causes people to judge whole experiences by their emotional high or low point and by the ending. Single intense moments and final negative months can overshadow long periods of warmth and alter decisions about staying, leaving, or investing in a relationship. Increasing the frequency and variety of positive moments reduces reliance on rare dramatic peaks and builds relational resources. Ending interactions positively shifts memory toward closeness. Prioritizing repair attempts during and after conflict produces positive emotional peaks that improve relationship evaluations and increase the likelihood of staying, growing, and sustaining bonds.

Read at Psychology Today