"Parents are encouraged to recognise emotions, explore underlying causes, and respond with empathy in order to mitigate negative behavioural patterns. Yet a common and often unsettling question remains: "If I understand my child so well, why is their behaviour not changing?" This question arises frequently in my clinical work. Parents are not lacking insight or commitment. On the contrary, they are often deeply thoughtful, reflective, and emotionally attuned."
"When a child's behaviour becomes challenging, parents naturally respond in the moment. They explain, reassure, validate, and attempt to reason. These responses are grounded in care and a desire to help the child feel safe and heard. Parents often repeat the same conversations, offering more explanation, more reassurance, and more emotional engagement, hoping that something will eventually "click." When it does not, parents may conclude that they are not understanding enough, not explaining clearly enough."
Modern parenting often emphasizes recognising emotions, exploring causes, and responding with empathy to reduce problematic behaviour. Parents may remain thoughtful and attuned yet see little behavioural change despite deep understanding. During acute behavioural moments, children cannot process explanations or reasoning, and empathic responses alone can unintentionally fuel defiance. Repeating explanations can erode parental confidence and increase guilt when behaviour does not change. Restoring clear authority and behavioural stability must come first. Once control is re-established, understanding and empathy become effective tools for addressing underlying feelings and shaping lasting behavioural change.
Read at Psychology Today
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