"There's nothing wrong with pressing for their agenda; that's just human nature and to be expected. Any strategy that's successful in getting what they want is a tactic they're going to rely on, be it: wearing parents down with continued badgering; accusing the parent of being "mean," not listening to them, or loving their sibling more; making threats or having a major meltdown."
"As much as these kids want to yank their parents' chains and get a reaction, what they need is for their parents to ignore the provocation, show empathy for their child's disappointment or displeasure at the limit the parent is setting, and then hold said limit. That's what ends these unhealthy behaviors and interactions and leads to greater flexibility and self-regulation for the child."
"Take the scenario featured in this blog. Siena (4) wants to watch a show. Her mom, Laila, has told her that she can have her screen time after she does her job of putting her clothes away. This is a good parenting decision; Laila is teaching Siena that you get "extras" or privileges after you take care of your "have-tos" or responsibilities."
Persistent, fierce children often use repeated badgering, accusations, threats, or meltdowns to wear parents down and obtain desired outcomes. When such strategies succeed, the unwanted behavior becomes reinforced and power struggles escalate. Stopping the pattern requires parents to avoid getting defensive or fueling the provocation. Parents should acknowledge and empathize with the child's disappointment at a limit while steadfastly holding that limit. Consistently linking privileges to completed responsibilities teaches appropriate contingency. Calm, empathetic, and consistent limit-setting reduces unhealthy interactions and fosters greater flexibility and self-regulation in children.
Read at Psychology Today
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