"Miscommunication Should Not Lead to Punishment Adults often perceive a cry for help from a neurodivergent kid as misbehavior. Whether it's a meltdown in the store, struggling to move onto another task, or shutting down when overwhelmed, neurodivergent kids are frequently labeled "disrespectful," "defiant," or "difficult." In reality, these behaviors are often a neurodivergent brain's way of asking for support. Neurodivergent kids aren't being difficult on purpose."
"Look Under the Behavior For all adults who work with children, we must learn to look beyond the behavior of neurodivergent kids. This means studying what happened before the meltdown or shutdown to see what demands are causing the kid harm. I understand how we can feel frustrated with this behavior, and that's totally normal. Parenting (and coaching and teaching) is difficult. Right? Are they afraid, overwhelmed, overstimulated, bullied, tired, or hungry?"
Many neurodivergent children communicate distress through shutdowns, meltdowns, and task avoidance rather than intentional misbehavior. Punitive discipline and systems focused on compliance often worsen outcomes and cause harm. Adults frequently misinterpret these responses as defiance, overlooking triggers such as fear, overwhelm, overstimulation, bullying, fatigue, or hunger. Effective response requires identifying demands preceding the behavior, setting aside adult frustration, and practicing co-regulation to help children learn self-regulation. Building trust through supportive, nonpunitive strategies creates opportunities for connection and skill development while reducing escalation and promoting healthier emotion regulation.
Read at Psychology Today
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