"You know the ones: "I'll stop yelling at my kids." "We'll have peaceful mornings." "I'll be more patient." We set these goals with the best intentions. But by the end of January, we're back to the same struggles-and maybe even feeling worse about ourselves because we "failed" again. The problem is that most parenting resolutions rely on willpower. And willpower runs out fast when you're exhausted, you're triggered, and your child refuses to put on their shoes for the tenth time."
"These resolutions focus on stopping a behavior without understanding what drives it. When your body is flooded with stress hormones and your child is having a meltdown in the grocery store, no amount of willpower will help you stay calm. When we experience something that reminds us-even unconsciously-of difficult experiences from our own childhood, our bodies respond. Our heart rate increases. Our blood pressure jumps. The part of our brain responsible for speech can actually shut down."
"This approach focuses on understanding what needs aren't getting met (yours and your children's) and building systems that support everyone, including you."
Most parenting resolutions fail because they rely on willpower rather than addressing underlying triggers and unmet needs. Resolutions that focus on stopping behaviors ignore the physiological and emotional responses that arise when caregivers are triggered. Stress floods the body with hormones, raising heart rate and blood pressure and sometimes impairing speech, making willpower ineffective during meltdowns. Traumatic experiences from childhood can shape these automatic reactions and influence how power is used with children. Intentional parenting centers on identifying unmet needs (both caregiver and child) and designing systems and supports that reduce reliance on moment-to-moment willpower and make calmer interactions more sustainable.
Read at Psychology Today
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