Entitlement spans from everyday spoiled behaviors to extreme cases like bribing schools for college admission. Parental choices and inadvertent patterns can foster a belief in being owed special treatment. Many parents do not actively teach children how to tolerate disappointment or how to lose gracefully. Very young children under age four lack the cognitive capacity called theory of mind, which makes self-focused reactions developmentally normal. Parents should set realistic expectations, model coping strategies, and intentionally teach emotional regulation. Four common parenting mistakes can unintentionally promote entitlement, and addressing each requires consistent boundaries, encouragement of effort over outcome, and natural consequences.
A few days ago, I was watching the Netflix documentary Operation Varsity Blues, which takes a deep dive into the 2019 college admissions scandal, and I was floored, once again, by the entitlement on display at every level - from the parents down to the kids. I patted myself on the back, knowing that my own two angels could never, ever be like that, and that they have no illusions about being handed anything in life.
Entitlement is a thorny word that encompasses a range of behaviors, from small daily displays of spoiled-ness to parents bribing schools to get their undeserving child into college. Of course, most parents don't set out to raise children who are entitled, but experts say there are some common mistakes moms, dads and other caregivers unintentionally make along the way, which can contribute to children growing up with the sense that something (anything) is owed to them.
First, when it comes to keeping childhood entitlement in check, it's important for parents of younger kids to be realistic, explains Aliza Pressman, co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center and host of the Raising Good Humans podcast. Children under the age of 4 haven't developed what's known as "theory of mind,", or the cognitive mechanism that allows us to attribute certain beliefs and feelings to ourselves and to others, she said.
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