The Enormous Cost of Being the One Who Holds Everything Together - Tiny Buddha

"This work has many names to me: mental load, emotional labor, logistical labor and, especially, narrative labor (the effort of constantly explaining myself, justifying choices, making life make sense for everyone else). It's the work that says, "I'll just do it; it's quicker." Or, "It's fine, I'll figure it out" Or, "No one else will remember, so I'll make a list.""

"I am often the one who remembers the dentist appointment, Mufti Day, the allergy meds, the forecast, the birthday, the swimming bag. Or the one who keeps the emotional boat steady-calming the toddler (or the adult acting like one), soothing tension between co-parents, biting my tongue so dinner doesn't derail, all while managing the storm inside my own heart, or gut, or head."

The experience centers on persistent, largely invisible care work that holds routines, relationships, and emotions together. Examples include remembering appointments, school events, medications, weather, birthdays, and packing for activities, alongside soothing children and adults and managing interpersonal tensions. The work is named mental load, emotional labor, logistical labor, and narrative labor (the ongoing effort of explaining and justifying choices to make life coherent for others). Recognition brings change: pausing to ask whether to carry everything, setting boundaries, resetting patterns, and sharing responsibility across parenting, eldercare, illness support, blended families, friendships, and workplaces.

Read at Tiny Buddha