Children naturally seek independence and develop autonomy when given developmentally appropriate opportunities to perform tasks on their own. Parental impulses to do tasks for children often stem from fear, a desire to help, or lack of time rather than necessity. Observing children in group settings can reveal capabilities that parents may underestimate. Shifting from doing to teaching requires conscious behavior change and willingness to assist only as needed. Prioritizing teaching over doing cultivates long-term competence, preparing children to become capable adults who can manage daily tasks independently.
As a clinical psychologist and mother of two young children, I am constantly weighing the benefits of teaching versus doing. In my practice, I often send recaps to my patients after a session. But should I encourage them to take their own notes? Or does allowing them to focus their attention on what they're saying in session make the session more effective for them? Does my summary by email serve as a helpful reminder and allow for easy access to review in their inbox?
I was completely struck when bringing my toddler back to preschool from an appointment the other day to see how they do lunch. Each of the kiddos sits in their seat and opens their own lunch box, unwraps their string cheese, and peels back their applesauce foil. I was shocked! My kiddo could do this?!? Then I was embarrassed. My kiddo could do this, and I was still doing much of it myself.
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