"Years of being the go-to person for everything trained me to believe that my value came from being helpful and available. Research shows that eldest daughters often develop what psychologists call "parentification," where they take on adult responsibilities too early. This creates a deeply ingrained pattern of putting others' needs first, making it incredibly difficult to set boundaries later in life."
"Growing up, I was the built-in babysitter, the homework helper, and the one who mediated when my younger brother got into trouble with our parents. I remember being twelve, making sure he did his science project while simultaneously trying to finish my own essay. That sense of responsibility? It never really left. If you're an eldest daughter who spent your childhood looking after siblings, managing household tasks, and being the "responsible one," you might recognize yourself in what I'm about to share."
An eldest daughter who cared for siblings often becomes the family's built-in babysitter, homework helper, and mediator. Early responsibilities—such as ensuring a sibling finished a science project while finishing an essay—create a lasting sense of duty. Psychology finds that such caregiving can produce parentification, leading to adult responsibilities taken on too early and a habit of prioritizing others’ needs. That habit makes saying no difficult, because value is tied to being helpful and available, prompting automatic yes responses before considering capacity. At the same time, these roles cultivate enhanced executive functioning: strong problem-solving, multitasking, planning, and creative responses under pressure.
Read at Silicon Canals
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