"I don't think Lara is old enough to understand what she meant, or at least I hope she isn't. I told her Mommy wasn't feeling well and said some things she didn't mean. Once Jamie sobered up, I repeated to her what she had said to our daughter. While she was upset, she seemed to be more upset that she had let it slip than about the effect it might have on Lara."
"As careless and upsetting as your wife's words were, I wouldn't assume that something she said while upset and drunk is the sum total of "how she really feels" about your daughter. To be clear, I'm not making excuses for her-she shouldn't have said what she did to your daughter. But whatever she feels as a parent, it's got to be deeper and a whole lot more complicated than what came out. And I'm sure she loves your daughter, too."
"You don't seem to believe that Jamie has a drinking problem. If she has a pattern of saying such things or otherwise being cruel-or if you and she are dealing with serious marital issues above and beyond this incident-I would understand why separation would be on the table. But if this was a (very unfortunate) one-off, then I think you need to try talking with your wife about what she was thinking and feeling when she said it."
A mother, while intoxicated, told her four-year-old daughter that having her "ruined her life" and "wrecked her body." The father told the mother she had said those things; the mother appeared more upset about letting the remark slip than about the child's welfare. A solitary drunken outburst should not be taken as the sum total of parental feelings. Repeated cruelty, a pattern of drinking-related harm, or other serious marital problems can justify separation. If the incident was isolated, address what the mother was thinking and feeling and consider counseling before making permanent decisions.
Read at Slate Magazine
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