"I don't love that your husband and his sister's husband are trivializing Abigail's feelings (about this and/or about anything else), but that's neither here nor there: This is between you and Abigail (and between Hannah and Abigail, since Audrey is probably too young to care about the haircut). What you owe Abigail an apology for is failing to supervise Hannah and Audrey's play. Leaving a 4-year-old alone with a young toddler long enough that a haircut could take place seems unwise."
"If you have not yet apologized sincerely for that-without excuses or any other apology-minimizers-do that right now. (And please do not point out that she could have done a better job supervising, too. Now is not the time for that.) You will likely not get a response to this apology-at least not right away-but that doesn't mean you shouldn't text or email it to her."
The husband and brother-in-law are trivializing Abigail's feelings, but the primary responsibility lies with the parent who failed to supervise. The correct apology is for inadequate supervision, not for the child's intent or for Audrey's haircut. Apologize sincerely without excuses or minimizers and do not shift blame onto Abigail for her own supervision. Send the apology by text or email even if no immediate response is likely. Do not apologize on Hannah's behalf, and acknowledge if a previous apology on her behalf was unhelpful. Maintain focus on repairing the relationship and respecting Abigail's need for space.
Read at Slate Magazine
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