"Your partner should be the one to address this with his children, not you. He should be direct and honest. Encourage him to acknowledge their mother's discomfort with the situation and to ask them to be respectful both of her feelings and your relationship. He should express empathy for them being placed in an uncomfortable situation and allow them to speak freely about their feelings."
"Tell him to ask the kids to be mindful of their mother's discomfort; for example, they shouldn't come home talking about how great you are and should only discuss you with her if she asks questions. If she creates tension between you and the kids, your partner may consider taking this up with the court (if there is a custody order) and requesting mediation."
"My partner of over a year is planning to introduce me to his three pre-teen kids in the next month or so. His ex-wife (divorced many years) is not happy about this, and while she doesn't have a say in whether we move forward with it, she is likely to make things very unpleasant, including making comments to the kids or making it clear via her actions how much she dislikes the situation/me."
The partner should be the one to tell his children about the new relationship and should do so with directness and honesty. He should acknowledge the mother's discomfort and ask the children to be respectful of both her feelings and the new relationship. He should express empathy for the children's discomfort and invite them to share their feelings openly. He should ask the children to avoid discussing the relationship at home unless the mother asks. If the mother actively undermines the relationship, the partner may consider court or mediation if a custody order applies. Be kind to the children and respectful toward the ex.
Read at Slate Magazine
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