My Job as a Parent is to Make my Kids' Lives a Little Harder | The Walrus

"When they encounter an obstacle, I resist the urge to intervene: to fit the puzzle pieces together for my red-faced toddler, or help him clamber up a playground ladder; to conjure up a constant stream of activities to fill my kindergartener's weekend afternoons, or at least let her watch TV. I let them struggle with the existential question of how to pass the time,"

"After decades of parents letting their children roam neighbourhoods in unsupervised packs, the 1990s saw parenting norms shift toward "intensive parenting," marked by high levels of involvement and constant engagement; letting your kids have a modicum of independence became a sign of negligence. Parents started shadowing their toddlers around the playground; at birthday parties, there are often more adults than kids; and children are increasingly deposited at school by car."

"Helicopter parenting-hovering anxiously over your children, in person and by surveilling their devices-can feel obligatory when everyone else is doing it. Bulldozer parents knock over perceived obstacles in their child's way, intervening with everyone from teachers who give out tough homework assignments to other kids on the playground who aren't taking turns. These actions are the product of love, but also anxiety:"

Parenting norms shifted in the 1990s toward intensive parenting, with high involvement and constant engagement replacing earlier unsupervised play. Parents increasingly shadow toddlers, overstaff birthday parties, and drive children to school. Helicopter and bulldozer parenting involve anxious surveillance, constant intervention, and efforts to remove obstacles for children. These behaviors stem from love and anxiety and from social pressure to appear responsible. Intervening to prevent meltdowns or disappointments provides short-term relief but risks undermining children's independence, problem-solving abilities, and resilience. Allowing children manageable struggles and unscheduled free time supports autonomy and healthier emotional development.

Read at The Walrus