My Husband Isn't Thrilled Our Adult Son Moved Back in With Us-and He's Making It Everyone's Problem

"Nick moved in with us a year ago. The move was necessary to get him out of a dangerous relationship, and Winston agreed beforehand, although he implied he expected it to be a temporary situation. Now my husband has built up resentment against Nick over the last year because he hasn't taken steps to move out. But I understand why Nick hasn't moved out: We live in a resort area, where rent is atrociously high and places to rent are scarce."

"Nick works about 60 hours a week at a decent-paying job, so he isn't home much. He contributes to household expenses, brings home food from work, helps take care of pets, and if asked, will generally help out with other things. Could he do more? Of course, he could, but he's not trashing the house, taking drugs, playing loud music at all hours, or being rude and disrespectful."

"Here's the things Winston resents: He and Nick's dog hate each other, and the dog barks at Winn when he passes Nick's room. The dog is old and grouchy, and was abused by Nick's former roommate. Nick works late and comes home around midnight, which disturbs Winston's sleep. Nick is forgetful (ADHD) and often needs reminders to complete tasks, but Winston thinks he should only have to say something once."

"This all leads to Winston being resentful and snippy, which makes Nick defensive, and then we have a big blow-up where both say hurtful things. These blow-ups have led to Nick trying to leave in the middle of the night after being in an accident (on crutches, no car, and no phone, near freezing outside). I've had to physically step between them and tell Winn to back off and shut up to keep it from getting physical."

A 30-year-old son moved home a year ago to escape a dangerous relationship, with the husband expecting a temporary arrangement. The son works long hours, pays toward household expenses, brings food, helps with pets, and assists when asked, but housing scarcity prevents him moving out. The husband resents the son for late nights, a barking dog that dislikes the husband, and the son's ADHD-related forgetfulness requiring reminders. Frequent snippiness and blow-ups have escalated into dangerous incidents, including the son attempting to leave injured at night and the wife intervening to prevent physical violence.

Read at Slate Magazine