"Before we conceived, we had a whole plan. We'd have two kids, close together. John would work, and I'd stay home until they were ready for school, with some help from my mom. Then I'd go back to work too. But my mom got sick, and now my siblings and I are helping her. John got laid off shortly before our son was born. His whole industry is in freefall, so I went back to work after my maternity leave, and he stayed home."
"John's a great dad, but he's really unhappy with this arrangement. He feels isolated and ashamed that he's not working. There are no other stay-at-home dads for him to do stuff with, and he says the moms are standoffish. I suggested we could get part-time babysitting so he can work part-time to feel more connected, but he insists he has to go back full-time or nothing."
A planned division of labor collapsed when the wife’s mother became ill and the husband lost his job before their son’s birth. The wife returned to work after maternity leave; the husband became the primary caregiver because available job offers would not cover daycare. The husband experiences isolation, shame, and a sense of lost provider identity, and resists part-time or retraining options, insisting on full-time work or nothing. Financial realities make full-time employment currently unattainable. The central emotional recommendation is for the husband to open up about his true feelings and accept partner support; further practical guidance was to follow.
Read at Slate Magazine
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