Keeping Secrets From Your Co-Parent

"Your daughter has reached a significant developmental milestone. Puberty isn't just a physical change; it's an emotional one. For many children, especially at 11, asking for privacy isn't about secrecy or exclusion. It's about trying to regain a sense of control over a body that suddenly feels unpredictable and exposed. And yes, part of this is simply that you are Dad (and a guy), and she likely felt embarrassed having that conversation with you."

"To be fair, your co-parent was placed in a difficult position. She may have believed that honoring your daughter's request was the same as protecting her confidence. But here's the distinction, and remember this, because it will come up again:A child can ask for privacy.A child cannot set the terms of adult co-parenting.Menstruation is a health and developmental event that affects medical care, emotional support, and day-to-day parenting."

An 11-year-old starting menstruation requires balancing the child's growing need for privacy with parental responsibility for transparent co-parenting. Puberty brings physical and emotional changes that often prompt a child to seek privacy to regain control and avoid embarrassment. A child can request confidentiality but cannot set the terms for adult co-parenting decisions. Menstruation affects medical care, emotional support, and daily parenting needs. Withholding this information, even with good intentions, undermines the co-parenting alliance and promotes divided loyalties. Establishing clear boundaries about what must be shared between homes can protect the child's privacy while maintaining cooperative parenting.

Read at Psychology Today