"First, you have to facilitate through the situation, which means realigning your mindset and asking yourself what you need to do to effect change for the next time you see this behaviour. Once this mindset has been established, there is a sequence of steps we must avoid to be able to effect change. These are as follows: 1. Do not allow your reactions to be based on what your child is saying."
"There is no leadership in this response. All we are doing is trying to answer whatever statement our child throws at us. When we answer this way, we are not facilitating at all. We are simply being reactionary. We must also remember that when a child is in the throes of a behavioural challenge, they will subconsciously seek to provoke their parent. When we answer this way, we simply encourage this habitual behaviour and don't provide any learning opportunity to change it."
Punishment typically responds to pressure rather than producing lasting behavioural change. Real change begins when parents stop reacting in the moment and instead lead the situation to create learning opportunities. Reactive "ping-pong" exchanges hand control to the child and preserve the same dynamics. Parents should realign their mindset to plan what to do differently next time and then avoid specific reactive steps, such as answering provocative statements or trying to justify love or worth during behavioural crises. Those reactionary responses lack leadership, encourage provocation, and block chances for authentic change.
Read at Psychology Today
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