"My wife and I have two kids, boys aged 4 and 6. I'm very happy with our family as it is. The kids are both out of diapers and in school all day. They're sleeping, we're sleeping. I feel like we've got a handle on this thing. But now my wife is saying she wants another one. She's 40, I'm 45-it's not totally out of the realm of possibility that we could have another one."
"But I am feeling very resistant to the idea! It just seems so self-destructive to take us back into the stress of pregnancy and infant and toddler years, and to do that to our kids. She says she thought she was done, but just keeps dreaming of a baby, and she loves our family so much she wants more of it. I feel strongly that this would be a mistake, but I haven't been that open with her yet."
"You've made up your mind about children, and that's OK, and you're not a terrible person for that choice. Even if you haven't had conflicts to this degree with your wife at this juncture of your marriage, you should have some idea how she'll react if you approach this unskillfully. You don't want her to resent you the rest of your life, but she definitely will if you tell her you believe her wanting another baby is a "self-destructive" idea."
A couple with two young children faces a conflict: the wife wants another child at age 40 while the husband, 45, strongly opposes returning to pregnancy and early-childhood stress. The husband fears disrupting the current stability and worries about long-term resentment if he blocks her desire. The recommended approach is honest, thoughtful communication delivered with empathy and without dismissive language. The husband should acknowledge his wife's likely grief, explain his reasons calmly, consider couples counseling to explore motives and options, and discuss possible compromises or alternatives while recognizing the decision's profound emotional and relational consequences.
Read at Slate Magazine
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