I Made My Son A Promise When He Was Born. 20 Years Later, I Was Devastated To Break It.

"I resisted. How could I keep my promise and still consider a group home? The professionals all said the same thing in different words: You can't do this alone. What happens when you get older? He needs a trained staff. His physician, who'd known Chris since he was 3, was even more direct: A group home could offer the structure, safety and supervision I couldn't provide alone."

"When I was 6, my grandparents showed up unexpectedly and told me to say goodbye to my friends. I didn't know I was leaving for good. I ended up living with them. I never understood what had happened. Where was my mother? Why was I just left? When I asked my grandmother, I was told not to ask questions or I'd lose my happy home. Those words became a constant threat - a reminder that my place in the world was conditional."

"Chris walked in ahead of me, moving through the house methodically, peeking into rooms where residents watched TV or did crafts. When he found his room, he paused at the threshold. Then he walked in like he'd lived there for years. He went straight to his desk, flicked on the lamp, and adjusted it. Opened the closet, ran his fingers across the hangers, lifted a shirt to his face and inhaled its scent."

After divorce a parent tried to maintain the adult son's daily routine but faced professional advice to consider a group home. Professionals and a longtime physician emphasized that trained staff could provide structure, safety, and supervision that solo caregiving could not guarantee as the parent aged. A childhood experience of abandonment created a vow to never leave a child, producing strong resistance to placing the son with strangers. A visit to the group home revealed the son moving through the house with familiar rituals and quickly settling into his room, suggesting immediate comfort with the environment.

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