"Over the last 20 years, I've learned I can't have a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Fair parenting means responding to individual differences, not treating every child the same way. Recognizing and honoring each child's temperament helps them thrive and feel supported. For years, the soundtrack of my household has included some version of: "But why doesn't shehave to do that?" or "You never punish him!""
"Now, nearly 21 years and three kids into motherhood, I finally understand that while yes, I was slightly less anxious as each kid joined our family, it wasn't so much that my parenting style was changing. It was that each of my kids needed to be parented differently, and I had been doing it all along without even realizing it."
"My oldest made this realization the easiest. He genuinely values my advice and still calls me from college to ask for my thoughts on something before he makes a decision. He shares his fears, anxieties, and illness symptoms with me on the regular. But once we talk it through, he almost always goes off and figures things out for himself. With him, parenting is often about stepping back. He wants a sounding board, not a manager, and knowing he'll take the baton and run reassures me that with him, my job is to guide, not direct."
Children benefit when parenting adapts to individual temperaments and needs. Siblings may require different degrees of support, direction, or space to grow. One child may seek guidance and then act independently, while another may express uncertainty through emotion and need protective scaffolding to develop resilience. Differential treatment that accounts for temperament is not favoritism but fairness. Parental anxiety or guilt can arise when differences are visible, yet recognizing each child's coping style allows parents to step back when appropriate or step in to steady and teach. Honoring individual differences helps children thrive and feel supported.
Read at Business Insider
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