"I divorced my kids' dad two years ago for the most selfish reason possible: I wanted to do less of the parenting for one of my kids. "Patrick" (15) has long-standing behavioral issues, although no developmental or learning issues. I spent all my parenting energy on him, and our more self-managed kid, "Amanda," was falling between the cracks."
"I got to a breaking point when it came out that Amanda had a broken ankle and didn't say anything because I was focused on an incident with Patrick at school. I realized that if my ex didn't share the effort with Patrick, there would be no parenting energy or time for Amanda. We divorced and got a very firm parenting plan in place. We alternate kids every week."
"My ex hates it, and it's not great for Patrick, either, since it's less stability. He's been having more issues recently. Patrick's teachers also hate it, since they don't have a rapport with his dad yet. But I'm so relieved, and I get to spend actual time with Amanda that isn't squeezed between emergencies. She's 14, and I feel like I'm getting to know a stranger. I feel so, so guilty. but I'm also so relieved. How can I help provide more stability for Patrick without losing the gains I've made in being able to parent Amanda?"
A parent ended a marriage because one child's intensive behavioral needs consumed parenting time and left the other child neglected. The teen with behavioral issues requires consistent advocacy, therapy attendance, and disciplinary follow-through that the other parent avoided. A custody plan alternating children weekly allowed focused time with the previously neglected child and produced relief and renewed connection. The alternating schedule has reduced stability for the behaviorally challenged teen, worsened school and behavioral issues, and frustrated teachers. The parent feels guilt alongside relief and seeks ways to stabilize the challenging child's life without losing the improved attention for the other child.
Read at Slate Magazine
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