"In my previous posts, we explored why you're too tired to parent the way you want to and 7 parenting strategies when parenting feels too hard. Today, we're tackling a question I see parents asking constantly: "What discipline should I use when my child does X?" But when we focus only on stopping behavior, we miss what's actually happening underneath."
"Adrianna and Tim, parents I worked with, struggled with this. Their kids, Bodhi and Remy, used to fight constantly, and Adrianna would jump in to send each child to their "corner." Their fighting triggered memories from her own childhood, and she would tell them: "Siblings aren't supposed to do that. You guys have to be best friends." But that approach wasn't working; Adrianna couldn't go to the bathroom without one of them pulling the other one's hair out."
Parents frequently ask which discipline to use for specific sibling behaviors, focusing on stopping actions rather than understanding underlying causes. Children often act out because of unmet needs and limited communication skills. Sibling hitting commonly occurs for two reasons: a child wants to play but cannot ask appropriately, or a child seeks parental connection and uses hitting to gain fast attention. Traditional punishment and quick consequences can suppress visible symptoms without meeting the needs driving the behavior. Addressing the root needs—teaching communication, offering connection, and creating playful opportunities—reduces recurrence and promotes healthier sibling interactions.
Read at Psychology Today
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