"We go back and forth on whether we want them. Some days, we think yes, definitely, especially when we spend time with our friend's kid. Other days, the answer is less clear. I'm worried about making this life-altering decision and regretting it, at least for those first hard years. My girlfriend feels the same-we like our life as it is!"
"As a parent, I feel strongly about having children-namely, that people who don't want kids shouldn't have them. It's hard enough to raise a child when you're all-in, but doing it because you feel like it's what other people want you to do is a recipe for disaster-not just for you, but more importantly, for the kids. That said, it is"
"That said, it is a mistake to think that the right moment for having children will just announce itself, and one day you'll wake up and realize there is a child-sized hole in your life waiting to be filled. You're a grown adult with friends, a job, a partner, and a community-all things with which you could happily occupy your remaining days. So here's my suggestion: Look around and think about the things you do every day."
A 28-year-old man and his long-term girlfriend are uncertain about having children as friends start families. They oscillate between enthusiasm after spending time with friends' babies and worry about regret during difficult early years. Social expectations exert pressure toward parenthood despite an absence of a strong internal urge. People who do not want children should not have them. Raising a child requires full commitment, and doing so to satisfy others' expectations harms both parents and children. No perfect, self-evident moment will announce itself to become a parent. Visualize current daily life evolving to assess whether children fit.
Read at Slate Magazine
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