Labeling children undermines parent-child relationships by preventing parents from recognizing struggles and developmental needs. Labels lead parents to link behaviors to fixed identities instead of investigating underlying causes. Labels reduce compassion and curiosity and can become self-fulfilling when children internalize those identities. Even seemingly positive labels such as calling a child 'smart' or 'athletic' can attribute success to innate ability and leave children confused and discouraged after setbacks. Focusing on effort and specific actions rather than fixed traits supports resilience and a growth mindset. Parents should notice and applaud effort rather than outcomes.
One of the most valuable things parents can do for their children is simply avoid labeling them, McManne said. Labels hurt the parent-child relationship because they get in the way of parents seeing their children as struggling and needing help. Parents start to link certain behaviors with whatever label they've given to their child, rather than digging in and really trying to understand what's happening developmentally. "Labels take us further out of compassion and curiosity," McManne said.
Even labels that seem positive like "You're smart!" can actually be harmful, McCready said. "When we say 'you're smart' or 'you're athletic,' we're telling our child, 'The only reason you did well on that test is because you were born brainy,' or, 'You wouldn't have made that goal if it weren't for your natural ability.' What's more, if our child bombs the test next time, they'll be left confused and discouraged, questioning their own ability. If they're so smart, why did they fail?"
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