"Understanding your goals and the needs driving everyone's behavior is important. But understanding alone doesn't change what happens when your child refuses to put on shoes and you're already late. You need strategies that help you respond instead of react-even when you're triggered and your nervous system has taken over. In this post, I'll share five practical strategies for intentional parenting that bridge the gap between knowing what you want to do and actually being able to do it in the moment."
"The next time your child does something that makes you want to yell, pause for just three seconds. Ask yourself: "What need is my child trying to meet right now?" Maybe they're dumping water on the floor because they need to experiment and learn. Maybe they're hitting their sibling because they need your attention and don't know how else to get it. Maybe they're refusing to get dressed because they need autonomy."
"Research shows that supporting children's autonomy rather than controlling them leads to better adjustment. Systems succeed where willpower fails because they remove the need for decision-making when you're stressed. Repair means acknowledging what happened and reconnecting, not just apologizing and moving on. Understanding your goals and the needs driving everyone's behavior is important. But understanding alone doesn't change what happens when your child refuses to put on shoes and you're already late."
Supporting children's autonomy rather than controlling them leads to better adjustment. Systems remove the need for moment-by-moment decision-making, making consistent responses easier when stressed. Repair with children means acknowledging what happened and reconnecting, not merely apologizing and moving on. Knowing family goals and underlying needs is necessary but not sufficient when moments of conflict occur. Practical strategies help parents respond instead of react even when triggered. One strategy is pausing briefly to identify the need driving a behavior. Seeing needs such as curiosity, attention seeking, or autonomy changes the response and invites collaborative solutions that honor children's development.
Read at Psychology Today
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