"Parents often say four words that may sound encouraging, but actually often create distance. 'That's more like it' meant to draw his daughter closer to him, pushed them further apart. The daughter responded: 'You're not being supportive by telling me that I was doing so badly before. Why can't you just tell me you're happy I got a job and leave it at that--without all the judgment, Dad?'"
"Kids of all ages, including grown ones, get stuck in worry loops of constant self-doubt, fear of failure, and concerns about disappointing others. Pressure, even when it feels well-intentioned, can make these racing thoughts worse. Struggling adult children need acceptance more than praise to create the emotional safety necessary for positive communication and growth."
Parents of struggling adult children often struggle to balance support with honesty, but well-intentioned phrases like "That's more like it" can backfire by implying judgment about past performance rather than genuine acceptance. Adult children, particularly those prone to overthinking and self-doubt, interpret such conditional approval as criticism rather than encouragement. Creating emotional safety through unconditional acceptance enables positive communication and allows adult children to move forward without the added burden of feeling judged. Direct, judgment-free acknowledgment of progress proves more effective than comparative praise that highlights previous struggles.
#parent-adult-child-relationships #conditional-approval #emotional-safety #communication-strategies #overthinking-and-self-doubt
Read at Psychology Today
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