"Between the ages of 16 and 21, the big night out wasn't just a hobby, it was a calling. Getting together with friends, getting drunk, being blasted by music, meeting new friends in the smoking area, getting more drunk, somehow making it home eight hours later these were things I excelled at, the precious moments where I could try to lose myself and avoid the anxiety that inevitably came with daybreak."
"The escapism wasn't just selfish fun. It felt like a necessary avoidance of reality, which for me consisted of having a mother with a terminal illness who would die when I was 19, leaving me at university to cope with my grief. Going out, dancing and chatting rubbish to friends was one way to survive. I never usually went out alone, as that would mean being forced to engage with my thoughts and emotions."
"Except for one humid summer's night in 2014 when I was 21, with my university years coming to a close and the prospect of moving back in with my widowed dad fast approaching: I found myself on a big night out with no company. The night was intended as one last blowout with friends before I was due to move out of my university digs in Bristol and, hopefully, enter the adult world."
Between ages 16 and 21, big nights out served as a primary means of avoiding anxiety and confronting difficult emotions. The routine involved drinking, loud music, meeting people in smoking areas, and returning home exhausted hours later. The escapism functioned as a way to cope with a mother's terminal illness and death at 19 while attending university. Socializing, dancing and trivial conversation offered temporary survival. The person rarely went out alone to avoid facing internal thoughts and emotions. One humid summer night in 2014 left them unexpectedly alone at a warehouse event after friends became separated and a couple's argument escalated.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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