"At the root of our unwillingness to tell the truth is our strongest and most primal drive-the drive to survive. Put simply, we want to stay alive, and so we learn to alter our truth to make other people happy, which then makes other people want to be around us and love us. If other people stay, we're safe-we will survive."
"But there is a way through this fear-to tell the truth with your fear present, and not deny or force the fear away or shut down your truth altogether. There is a way through that allows you to be more honest and less afraid of conflict and potential disapproval. There is a way through that includes the courage to be disliked."
"Ultimately, we can redefine safety such that it comes not only from stability in a relationship, but also from staying safe externally, and from building a safe ground internally. Safety, internally, comes from knowing and acknowledging our own truth-with clarity and most importantly, kindness. When we're clear and grounded in our truth, no matter how or to whom we share it, we find a safe refuge."
Deep fear of telling the truth originates in the primal survival drive that equates social rejection with physical danger. People learn to soften or alter truth to secure others' acceptance, creating a sense of safety tied to external relationships. Courageous honesty is possible while the nervous system feels fear by practicing self-compassion and tolerating discomfort. Building internal safety involves knowing and acknowledging one's truth with clarity and kindness, which provides grounding regardless of others' reactions. True safety emerges from a secure relationship with oneself, the capacity to self-love, and staying present with any experience that arises.
Read at Psychology Today
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