"When fertility treatment leads to IVF with donor eggs, sex may have dropped off significantly. By this point, intimacy has often been under strain for some time. While this path can hold real hope of completing one's family, with many hurdles and no guarantees, it also adds another layer of pressure and emotional labor-helping explain why sex may have receded, not because desire is gone, but because sex has been tied to stress for too long."
"Donor profiles can feel sexual even when nothing sexual is actually happening. This is not about desire. Fertility stress and sexual distress are closely linked. When something this important is threatened, the mind works in images, not words. Images land faster than thoughts, which is why they show up so vividly under stress (Peterson et al., 2007; Gianaros et al., 2015). Words live in the thinking part of the brain; images live in the survival part."
Medicalized fertility treatments often transform sex from spontaneous intimacy into scheduled, monitored tasks, reducing connection and increasing performance pressure. Couples commonly experience decreased sexual frequency as timing and medical procedures tie sex to stress rather than desire. IVF with donor eggs can compound preexisting intimacy strain by introducing hope, uncertainty, and extra emotional labor. Donor profiles can trigger intrusive, vivid mental images and feelings of displacement that are not sexual desire but stress responses. The brain processes these reactions as images in survival-oriented circuits rather than as verbal thoughts. Understanding the origin of these responses can reduce shame and help restore steadiness and closeness.
Read at Psychology Today
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