"No matter what your mind (or anyone else) tells you, in stage two, there is still deep fear, dread, and even grief at the prospect of being honest, a dread that doesn't budge no matter how much information it receives. There's also a characteristic pattern of self-recrimination-an ongoing narrative of self-criticism for abandoning oneself and not being empowered or brave enough to push through and be fully "authentic.""
"From where does this deep distrust of sharing an unlikable truth stem? Essentially, how did disapproval become synonymous with death? The core belief/chain of thought is this: If I tell the truth, I won't be liked. If I'm not liked, people will go away. If people go away, my needs won't be met. If my needs aren't met, I won't survive."
Stage two of truthing involves a conflict between cognitive understanding and bodily alarm: the mind recognizes honesty as safe but the body reacts with fear, dread, and grief. Persistent self-recrimination arises as an internal narrative blaming oneself for lacking courage and abandoning personal needs. The fear originates from a chain of belief equating truth-telling with being disliked, rejection, unmet needs, and non-survival. Early socialization teaches girls to be pleasing and agreeable to secure love and care, making relationships the basis of safety. Any threat to connection—unwanted truths, conflict, or displeasure—registers as a threat to fundamental security and survival.
Read at Psychology Today
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