"When I lost my best friend from college to a slow drift, I spent months analyzing what went wrong. Had I said something offensive? Not been supportive enough? The truth was simpler and more painful: I'd been so focused on fitting into my new work environment that I'd stopped showing up authentically in our friendship. This constant performance of trying to belong is utterly draining."
"The irony? The more we contort ourselves to fit in, the more disconnected we feel. Think about it. When you're constantly monitoring yourself, adjusting your personality to match what you think others want, you're not actually connecting with anyone. You're connecting a carefully curated version of yourself with their carefully curated versions. It's like two masks having a conversation while the real people behind them remain strangers."
People can feel like outsiders even while laughing, contributing, and mimicking social cues, because an invisible barrier prevents authentic connection. Excessive efforts to fit in involve studying social signals, mirroring others, and crafting responses, which creates a draining performance of belonging. Prioritizing conformity erodes authenticity and can fracture relationships when attentiveness to fitting in replaces genuine presence. Individuals adopt chameleon behaviors, losing awareness of their core selves and deepening isolation. The harder people strive to belong, the more they overthink interactions and construct curated personas, which perpetuates disconnection rather than achieving meaningful intimacy.
Read at Silicon Canals
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