Why It Is Important to Tell Someone About Your Past Abuse

"In my latest book, Put Your Past in the Past, I offer ways for victims of childhood abuse to address their unfinished business as a way to put their past trauma behind them. One very powerful way of breaking your pattern of reenacting your trauma is to talk about it with someone-whether it be your partner, a good friend, a therapist, or members of a support group."

"Although journaling is often a very effective tool for releasing your emotions connected to the trauma, talking to someone about it can be even more effective. They don't want people to think less of them or think of them as being "damaged.""

"They don't want people to feel sorry for them. Men are especially reluctant to acknowledge being victimized in any way because they are afraid to be seen as weak or helpless. They are afraid of being judged or not being believed. This is particularly true for victims of childhood abuse, especially childhood sexual abuse, who have good reasons for this fear."

Telling someone about past abuse can facilitate healing and help resolve unfinished trauma. Many survivors avoid disclosure because they fear disbelief, blame, shame, or loss of respect. Men often avoid disclosure due to fears of being seen as weak or helpless. Reenacting childhood abuse by choosing abusive partners or becoming abusive oneself can serve as a covert cry for help. Speaking openly to a partner, friend, therapist, or support group can break reenactment patterns. Journaling can release emotions, but verbal disclosure may be more effective for some. Common barriers include fears of being seen as "damaged," pitied, judged, or not believed.

Read at Psychology Today