"I learned to be strong early because I had to. My mother was depressed and suicidal for the younger years of my life. From a young age, I felt like it was up to me to keep her alive. I became the caretaker, the one who made things okay, even when nothing was. My father left before I was born. I didn't meet him until I was six, and when I did, it wasn't safe."
"He was abusive and schizophrenic. One time, he tried to strangle me. That moment embedded something deep: every moment is a risk. To survive, I learned to stay alert, in control, and numb. Later, my mum entered a same-sex relationship-a bold move in the eighties, when that kind of love wasn't accepted. Her partner, a former homicide detective turned trauma therapist, was emotionally volatile and narcissistic. My home didn't feel safe. There wasn't a lot of room for me to be a child."
A person presented as competent and composed while suppressing grief, fear, and loneliness behind a façade of strength. Early family instability forced the person into caretaking roles in response to a mother's depression and suicidal behavior and an absent, abusive father. Survival strategies included vigilance, control, emotional numbness, hyper-responsibility, perfectionism, and micromanaging others' emotions. A same-sex parental relationship introduced further instability through an emotionally volatile partner, limiting childhood space. The adopted strength served as identity and protection rather than freedom. Later relocation to Australia brought intense experiences that provoked anger and discomfort.
Read at Tiny Buddha
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