The Link Between Perfectionism and Narcissism

"Being on the receiving end of someone else's perfectionism isn't pleasant. It can leave us feeling inadequate and disconnected from others and ourselves, and increase our self-doubt. It also isn't particularly enjoyable to hold ourselves to the impossibly high standards that perfectionism dictates. So why do some of us demand flawlessness and feel unable to settle for anything less? In some cases, narcissism may explain the relentlessly high expectations certain people have of others-and even, sometimes, of themselves."

"Narcissism is a frequently used (and misused) term in contemporary culture, so it's worth a clear definition. As famed narcissism researcher and clinician Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains, narcissism is "an interpersonally maladaptive personality style" characterized by antagonism, entitlement, contemptuousness, a severe deficit in empathy, a need for dominance, egocentrism, grandiosity, emotion dysregulation (think: extremes of deep shame often covered up by rage and blame shifting), restlessness, and often the ability to charm or appear well put together."

"This isn't the only kind of narcissist, however. There's also the vulnerable narcissist, who may appear more shy, self-constrained, and hypervigilant (especially to insults) while displaying intense helplessness, shame, and inadequacy coupled with a fixed belief that they're woefully under-recognized for their "specialness." Vulnerable narcissists are oppositional and argumentative like grandiose narcissists, as Durvasula notes, but their antagonism often expresses itself more in weaponi"

Perfectionism can cause recipients to feel inadequate, disconnected, and increase self-doubt while making self-imposed standards painful to uphold. Narcissism can underlie relentless demands for flawlessness of others and sometimes of oneself. Narcissism is an interpersonally maladaptive personality style marked by antagonism, entitlement, contemptuousness, empathy deficits, need for dominance, egocentrism, grandiosity, and emotion dysregulation, often paired with charm. Grandiose narcissists appear overtly arrogant, fantasize about brilliance and success, can charm but become vengeful when threatened, and act unpredictably in intimate relationships. Vulnerable narcissists may seem shy and hypervigilant, yet experience intense shame and a belief of being under-recognized, expressing antagonism oppositionally.

Read at Psychology Today