"You might be tempted to do what many do-cancel your relatives so you never have to dread another encounter. This might give some temporary relief, but research shows this is a risky strategy for your mental health and even long-term financial security. One study showed that those who cancel family members inevitably deteriorate in their mental health, become financially more insecure and never attain the benefit of peace of mind they imagined (Arranz & Hank, 2022)."
"Other research shows the more you focus upon the hurts of the past by talking about them, writing about them, or repeating them in therapy or with friends, then the more you fossilize hurt feelings and decrease your ability to feel joy, happiness, and purpose in general (Echiverri et al., 2011). The problem is not with talking about painful encounters with your relatives; it is with how you talk about them and to what purpose."
Choosing how to react to family dysfunction affects mental health. Canceling relatives or repeatedly complaining can provide temporary relief but often leads to worse mental health, greater financial insecurity, and lost peace of mind. Repeatedly focusing on past hurts by talking, writing, or rehearsing them can fossilize pain and reduce capacity for joy, happiness, and purpose. Blaming relatives and attributing harm to defective personality fosters disempowerment through attribution bias. Speaking about painful encounters with constructive purpose, and practicing compassion, self-compassion, and forgiveness, supports mental wellness and reduces long-term harm from family conflict.
Read at Psychology Today
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