The author shares his journey to 18 years of sobriety from alcohol and cocaine, alongside recovery from bulimia. Reflecting on his initial experiences in therapy, he expresses deep shame and anxiety that initially kept him from accepting help. When faced with a suggestion to attend a 12-step meeting, he was terrified yet determined. Overcoming fears of recognition from fellow lawyers, he found the path to self-acceptance and genuine love for himself, which he celebrates with his wife by attending a concert in Las Vegas, contrasting his past behavior with his new life.
I often laugh at the interaction with my therapist that same day when I finally got honest with him about my struggles. Why would I lie to my therapist? Simple. Shame knows no hourly rate.
When I finally pushed through the doors, my fears were confirmed. It seemed like half the people in the room were lawyers I knew. No one laughed or pointed, but there were some nods of recognition.
If sitting in that room would allow me to wake up one morning, walk to the bathroom in my birthday suit naked, look in the mirror, and love what I saw without the aid of cocaine or booze, I'd sit.
To celebrate 18, my wife and I are headed to Vegas to see the Eagles. There was a time when the only thing I'd be doing in Vegas was massive amounts of blow.
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