"My Child Must Go to College and be Successful!"

"When newcomers or a family rising out of poverty, or maybe just a middle-class family that has squirrelled away the money for a college education, push a child to study hard, that child can feel the heavy burden of family hopes. In many countries around the world, these expectations are driving an epidemic of suicide and self-harming behaviors among emerging adults."

"There is a second group, though, that also experiences excessive pressure to succeed. We've long known that children from privileged homes can become worn down and emotionally fraught when their parents insist on them meeting arbitrary standards. Ever since Dr. Suniya Luthar began to study the stress and resilience of young people from affluent families, we've been having to think seriously about the problems that parents with the means to send their children to college can cause."

"There's nothing wrong with expecting children to be successful, as long as children can still sometimes fail. Academic pressure should be tempered by realistic appraisal of what a child is capable of doing. Privileged homes can burden children with expectations that fail to tolerate a child's choices. Economically vulnerable families may put far too many expectations on a child to succeed."

Parental expectations can motivate academic success but must include tolerance for occasional failure. Academic pressure should be balanced against a realistic appraisal of each child's capabilities. Families with economic vulnerability may impose extreme expectations because of sacrifice or limited opportunities, producing heavy burdens and driving self-harm and suicide among emerging adults in many countries. Privileged families can also cause excessive pressure when parents tie status to children's achievements and insist on arbitrary standards. Both socioeconomic contexts can erode psychological well-being, so parents should temper demands, respect choices, and prioritize mental health alongside educational goals.

Read at Psychology Today