"My before' was trying to make myself as small as possible in every conceivable way: my body, voice, emotions, opinions, she says. My after' is allowing myself to be my biggest self, however that looks."
"I was convinced I was fat and disgusting and needed to lose more weight."
"In that time where your eating disorder is saying to you, You have to stay in control', having that taken away is torturous."
"There's hair that grows all over your body, because it's trying to keep itself warm."
Megan Jayne Crabbe developed an intense preoccupation with dieting before age ten and became increasingly fixated on changing her body during puberty. At 14 she was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa and body dysmorphia and concealed the illness until devastating physical symptoms emerged, including severe fatigue, low blood pressure, hearing loss, dizziness and excessive body hair. She spent months in psychiatric facilities and hospital and was tube-fed when her body was at risk of failing. Seeing her father's distress triggered a committed attempt at recovery, but returning to a larger body left her unsure and vulnerable to relapse.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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