Long-term sobriety was described as a trusted relationship that faced strain after a prolonged illness. Menopause triggered severe depression and anxiety at levels beyond prior experience, producing a blackout-like terror. Depression is often invisible and not detectable by standard tests. Maintaining recovery required vigilance, preparedness, routine, and deliberate self-care. Communicating struggles to loved ones without seeking solutions provided support. The sober identity remained central to survival, and commitment to sobriety prevailed despite the debilitating psychological effects. Small daily routines and self-care practices helped anchor recovery during depressive episodes. Open, honest communication with loved ones allowed support without imposing the burden of solutions.
Sometimes I think of my sobriety in terms of a relationship. My sober self and I have been going along now for over 10 years. We are besties. We trust each other. We vibe. But recently, after a long bout of illness, I wondered how loyal sobriety would stay through sickness. Through turbulence. Through the valleys of life. Research says that divorces happen most commonly around the eighth year of marriage.
It was depression. And it was awful. I have struggled with depression all my life. I've written and spoken about it. But when menopause barged in, I wasn't ready for depression and anxiety to occur at a level I'd never experienced before. I had really bad depression. And really bad anxiety. And I know calling depression "bad" is a lousy description, but I don't want to spend a lot of time trying to explain how this disease felt.
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