In India, Grieving a Heartbreaking Loss and Finding Myself Again
Briefly

In India, Grieving a Heartbreaking Loss and Finding Myself Again
"It's my mom's favorite country, and the house we share is full of treasures from her travels there, from peacock fans and silk scarves, to jewelry boxes carved from mango wood. I grew up in the UK, hearing spellbinding tales of painted elephants and mirrored palaces, and India soon occupied a special place in my imagination. Having got to 42 without making it to the promised land, this summer my chances of going there felt slimmer than ever."
"Everything was progressing well with the pregnancy until my 20-week scan, when my world imploded. The sonographer couldn't find a heartbeat on either of the girls, and I was told that they had both died. I was led to a bereavement room on the maternity ward and informed that I would need to take a pill and come back in 48 hours to give birth to them."
"In the days that followed flowers arrived, cards were sent, and grief steamrolled me as I tried to make sense of what had happened. In search of answers, three weeks later I boarded a plane to Delhi, feeling lost and broken but hopeful that India might help to heal me in some way. I was worried that it might be too soon, and that I hadn't given myself enough time to recover physically and emotionally, but it felt like a risk worth taking."
A woman fascinated by India becomes pregnant with twins after IVF. At a 20-week scan both fetuses are found to have died, and she undergoes a traumatic bereavement process. In the weeks that follow flowers and condolences arrive as she struggles with shock and disbelief. Three weeks later she boards a plane to Delhi hoping the journey will help her heal, wearing a Saint Christopher necklace engraved with her daughters' names. The trip represents a search for peace, emotional recovery, and connection to a place of familial and imaginative significance.
Read at Conde Nast Traveler
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