If you rarely received affection growing up, psychology says you likely developed these 8 personality traits - Silicon Canals

"Growing up without much affection leaves marks that run deeper than we often realize. I've spent years digging into the psychology behind our behaviors, and what I've discovered about emotional neglect in childhood has helped me understand so much about myself and the people around me. The truth is, when children don't receive enough warmth and affection, they develop certain personality traits as survival mechanisms. These traits helped us navigate a world that felt emotionally unpredictable, but they often stick around long after we've grown up. Today, I want to share eight personality traits that psychology tells us are common among people who rarely received affection growing up. You might recognize yourself in some of these, and that's okay. Understanding where these patterns come from is the first step toward healing."

"If you grew up without much affection, there's a good chance you became a perfectionist. And I'm not talking about the humble-brag kind of perfectionism people mention in job interviews. This is the exhausting, never-good-enough kind that keeps you up at night replaying conversations and wondering if you said the wrong thing. Dr. Karyl McBride, a psychologist who studies this phenomenon, explains that this cycle is exhausting and self-defeating."

"When affection feels conditional or absent entirely, we start believing we need to earn love through achievement. We convince ourselves that if we just work harder, accomplish more, or never make mistakes, maybe then we'll finally feel worthy of love."

Emotional neglect in childhood creates deep, lasting effects that shape adult behavior. Children adapt by developing survival traits that persist into adulthood. These traits include chronic perfectionism driven by a belief that love must be earned through achievement. Perfectionism becomes an exhausting, self-defeating cycle of replaying interactions and fearing mistakes. Conditional or absent affection leads to convincing oneself that harder work or more accomplishments will secure worthiness of love. Personal experiences such as parental divorce can intensify these patterns, and therapy can reveal that the pursuit often targets emotional validation rather than objective success.

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