"What's the big idea? Why do we fall into the same patterns-whether that's people-pleasing, perfectionism, or emotional numbing-even when we know they're not good for us? These strategies help us feel safe, but replacing that armor with inner strength lets us move with freedom instead of fear. Listen to the audio version of this Book Bite-read by Kati herself-in the Next Big Idea App. 1. Control is a survival strategy."
"We often think of control as a personality trait or state of being. We say things like, "I'm just a control freak," or "Don't worry, I've got everything under control." But control isn't a state of being; it's how we learned to survive. It's the way our nervous system tries to protect us when life feels unpredictable. As children, many of us learned that being good, quiet, or perfect helped us stay safe or loved. Those patterns became invisible armor."
Recurring behaviors such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, and emotional numbing function as protective survival strategies that create a false sense of safety. Control often stems from early learning that being good, quiet, or perfect secured safety or love, and these adaptations become invisible armor in adulthood. That armor drives micromanaging, overthinking, and harsh self-criticism as attempts to manage unpredictability. Nervous system responses underlie these behaviors, seeking protection when life feels uncertain. Relying on external control or perfection soothes discomfort temporarily but limits freedom. Replacing protective habits with inner strength enables movement with freedom instead of fear.
Read at Fast Company
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