I fought to keep my dad at home after he developed dementia. I wish I'd moved him to long-term care sooner.

"When I found myself on a first-name basis with the local paramedics, I knew I needed to face the truth: my dad couldn't continue living at home. It was only a matter of time before the minor emergencies that the EMTs were responding to became something major. That's how I found myself trudging toward an old brick nursing home with my toddler on my hip and my dad reluctantly shuffling behind me."

"My dad was only in his 40s when he became unable to take care of himself due to a severe depression: the type that makes it impossible to shower or feed yourself. He'd moved in with his mother, but in his early 50s suffered a series of small strokes that led to vascular dementia. Coupled with my grandma's own health concerns, that meant my dad needed more and more hands-on care."

"I lived about two hours away from them, but became the de facto caregiver. That meant driving down weekly, or more often, tossing french fries at my baby as I strapped her in for yet another long ride. It was physically and emotionally exhausting, but it felt like my only choice. Sending him to a nursing home would be giving up, I thought."

"The notorious nursing home smell greeted us as soon as we walked in, and I almost turned around then and there. Instead, I shook hands with the administrator who was giving us a tour. For years, I had made institutions like this the worst-case scenario. And yet, while I noticed the antiseptic smell and dated decor, I also saw that people were happy and engaged."

A caregiver realized a parent could no longer safely live at home after repeated emergency responses and growing care needs. The parent’s conditions included severe depression that prevented basic self-care, followed by vascular dementia after small strokes. Living far away made the caregiver the de facto caregiver, requiring frequent long drives while managing a toddler. The caregiver initially viewed nursing home placement as giving up, but toured a facility and noticed residents appeared engaged and happy despite dated decor and a strong smell. Medicaid support reduced financial worry as the caregiver considered long-term care.

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