"Welcome to the fourth Football Daily Christmas Awards. This is the bit where, in our old guise, we would bang on about becoming so jaded that we'd lost count of how many years we'd been churning out this old tat. Hmm So OK, here we are, refreshed and ready to go! Pour yourself a pint of wine, throw your boots up on the desk, decompress, de-depress, and enjoy!"
"THE BATTLEFIELD EARTH AWARD FOR GOOD MONEY AFTER BAD Liverpool's Premier League title banked, now to spend nearly half a billion on new players. Milos Kerkez! Jeremie Frimpong! Florian Wirtz! Hugo Ekitike! New contracts for Mohamed Salah and Virgil van Dijk! Trent who!? And last, but no means least, Alexander Isak! What could possibly go wrong? Just about everything, it turns out, as Arne Slot's new team make the most uncomfortable assimilation into Merseyside life since Simon the Mancunian Messiah began a death cult on Brookside Close."
"THE JACK CARTER AWARD FOR RETURNING LOCAL HERO Two years in, and Big Sir Jim Ratcliffe's Make Manchester United Great Again stratagems continue to hit the buffers. They never really left Piccadilly station. The Failsworth via Beverley and Monaco billionaire has continued to reduce headcount and look to flog off premises, chisel staff benefits while hiking ticket prices. Still the club's debt continues to rise as Ruben Amorim's team oscillates wildly between being unwatchable as in losing the Bigger Vase final to Spurs to games spinning beyond sense."
The Football Daily Christmas Awards use satirical categories to critique Premier League clubs' decisions. Liverpool spent nearly half a billion on signings and extended key players after securing the Premier League title, but the new arrivals under Arne Slot have struggled to integrate. Manchester United under Jim Ratcliffe has cut staff and raised ticket prices while club debt increases, with Ruben Amorim's team delivering inconsistent performances. Published plans for a renovated Old Trafford reveal a dramatic redesign proposal. Significant signings named include Milos Kerkez, Jeremie Frimpong, Florian Wirtz, Hugo Ekitike, and Alexander Isak; new contracts were extended to Mohamed Salah and Virgil van Dijk.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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