"Once every week or two, I swim molasses-slow laps at the YMCA. I've been on something of a fitness journey this year, testing out different forms of exercise to see what sticks-what feels the least torturous and humiliating as a fat person. Swimming appeals more than most activities I've tried. I like the quiet of being submerged in the water, where no one can talk to me as I try to remember to breathe."
"I've learned to time my trips to the pool so that kids and their parents are unlikely to be in the family locker room-the last thing I need is to be perceived as preying on children. I typically have the whole space to myself. Never am I more aware of my transness, my genderqueerness, as I tear off my street clothes, hoping no one will walk in and tell me there's yet another spot I don't belong. So far, so good."
The narrator swims slow laps weekly at the YMCA as part of a fitness journey, preferring the quiet of being submerged. The narrator changes in the family locker room to avoid hostile interactions in the women's locker room, where some cisgender women confront and misgender them. Staff advice to ignore or report instigators feels inadequate. The narrator times visits to avoid children and parents to prevent being perceived as a threat. Undressing triggers acute awareness of transness and genderqueerness, while swimming provides a private space to breathe, reflect, and focus on the workout.
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