The article ranks various Doctor Who companions in terms of how they would fare on a night out at a gay bar. It humorously considers factors like chaos, camaraderie, and overall party spirit. Ryan Sinclair is depicted as confused and likely to leave early, while Clara Oswald is a strong presence at first but fades when her song requests aren't met. Other companions, like Astrid Peth and Sarah Jane Smith, bring their own unique energy, where Astrid's novelty is cherished but also a distraction, and Sarah Jane provides strong ally vibes. Ultimately, the characters embody different aspects of social dynamics in lively nightlife scenarios.
Martha would be the last person standing at the end of the night. She might not exactly want to be, but she'd wait however long was needed, until you're ready to go home.
Sarah Jane would give top-tier ally vibes. She might not get what's going on 100 per cent of the time, and would call K9 out to investigate what poppers are when a twink offered her some.
River Song would flirt with everyone she sees, including you. The only reason she isn't higher on this list is because you wouldn't really be with her at the bar.
Clara would be a total vibe for the first few songs, and her outfit would slay. But she'd be back and forth from the DJ booth requesting songs that only she wants to listen to.
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