Patriarchy, Religion, and the Myth of "Real Sex"

""No, not yet. I am waiting until I am serious with someone, and until then, I am only doing oral and mutual masturbation. My reply, "That is sex!" This usually gets a response of, "Well, I meant f*cking," which they equate to sex. Nothing else. I have to remind my clients that fellatio and cunnilingus is called "oral sex" for a reason. That is still sex.""

""If you ask most people what is meant by "sex," they are going to say, "Well, that means penetration. That's normal sex." I hear this a lot from the gay community: "You're not really having sex unless you're a 'top' or a 'bottom.'" Gay men have accepted this as the gold standard of sexuality. It's one of the reasons I felt the need back in 2013 to coin the term "Sides" and for gay men who aren't into penetration,""

""There are many, many groups and individuals for whom penetration is either undesirable or impossible. These may include people who have had severe trauma from childhood sexual abuse, disabled persons, people who are into kink, women who experience vaginal pain during penetration, aging men who aren't able any more to maintain an erection, those who are dealing with diseases such as prostate cancer or a heart condition, and many LGBT individuals who don't aspire to penetration as the only desirable way of having sex.""

Most people define sex as penetration and equate penetration with "normal" sex. Many people therefore deny that oral sex or mutual masturbation constitutes sex. Numerous groups and individuals find penetration undesirable or impossible, including survivors of childhood sexual abuse, disabled people, kink practitioners, women experiencing vaginal pain, aging men with erectile difficulties, and those with medical conditions such as prostate cancer or heart disease. Gay men sometimes accept being "top" or "bottom" as the gold standard, leading some to prefer alternative sexual roles. Kinsey reported that non-penetrative sexual behaviors are common, satisfying, and non-pathological. Non-penetrative practices can support rich sexual lives without penetration.

Read at Psychology Today